Reclaim Your Identity
Put Yourself First, Guilt-Free (this is not a quick process)
From the time we’re little, we’re taught to take care of things. We’re handed baby dolls, Barbies (which—don’t get me wrong—I loved), and little kitchen sets. And what do we do with them? We feed them, dress them, rock them to sleep. We learn, in this quiet and sneaky way, that they need us to thrive. And that lesson? It sticks.
(Side note: I was obsessed with Barbie’s fashion—mixing and matching outfits, experimenting with different styles. But let’s be real, that love of fashion came with a side of body image struggles that I totally internalized. That’s a whole other conversation for another day!)
Fast forward to adulthood, and suddenly, we’re the ones making sure everyone else is okay before we even think about our own needs. We check in on our partners, our kids, our friends—are they happy? Are they comfortable? Do they need anything? And when we finally do try to put ourselves first, it feels... weird. Maybe even selfish.
When You Think You’re Prioritizing Yourself… But You’re Really Not
For a long time, I struggled with putting myself first. I knew the importance of self-care—“filling my cup,” as they say. So I’d do little things: buy myself something I wanted, take a bath, carve out small moments for myself. But looking back, I realize I wasn’t truly prioritizing myself—I was just recharging enough to keep showing up for everyone else. I wasn’t focused on real healing, and honestly? Healing yourself is where the true magic is. At least, that’s what I’ve come to believe.
And I think a lot of us do this. We tell ourselves we’re putting ourselves first, but in reality, we’re still filtering every decision through the lens of “how will this affect everyone else?” That’s not the same thing as true self-prioritization. We aren’t really taking the time to understand ourselves—what we love, what brings us joy, what lights us up outside of our roles as caregivers, partners, or friends.
Why Putting Yourself First Feels So Damn Hard
A huge part of this struggle comes from the way we’ve been conditioned. Honestly, we’ve been taught that people-pleasing is not just good—it’s honorable. That being a “good” person (especially a “good” woman, mother, or partner) means being selfless. That caring for others isn’t just the right thing to do, but almost sacred—something that pleases our elders, our community, and, for many, even God.
So when we start feeling unfulfilled or empty, guilt creeps in. We tell ourselves we should be happy, that wanting more must mean we’re ungrateful.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard (or even thought) things like:
I have everything I wanted—why do I feel like something’s missing?
Other people have it worse; I shouldn’t complain.
If I take time for myself, I’m being selfish.
But here’s the truth: feeling unfulfilled doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re human.
Reclaiming Your Identity (Without Feeling Like an Asshole About It)
So how do we start putting ourselves first without spiraling into guilt? Here’s what I’ve learned (frankly i am still learning):
You’re allowed to take up space, make choices for yourself, and put your happiness on the priority list—without apologizing for it. You don’t need permission.
Saying yes to yourself isn’t saying no to everyone else. You’re just finally including yourself in the equation.
You’re not selfish for wanting more. Wanting to feel fulfilled beyond the roles you play for everyone else doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you you.
At the end of the day, taking care of you is taking care of the people you love. When you’re happier, healthier, and fully yourself, you show up in a way that’s real—and that energy is everything. So go ahead, reclaim yourself. No guilt needed.
Prioritizing Yourself: Tips for Making You a Priority
Take time to explore what brings you joy. Reflect, journal, or get out into the world and try new things. What lights you up? What makes you feel like you? Give yourself permission to figure that out.
Delegate and communicate your needs. If you share a home with another adult, talk about what household tasks need to be split. Let your partner know what you need, and if you have kids, work on a schedule that allows for uninterrupted time for yourself. I know this can be especially tough for single moms or those without extra support. When my kids were young, I carved out time in the early mornings—just me, my coffee, my dogs, and a book or a show I loved. It wasn’t huge, but it was mine, and that mattered.
Start noticing your emotions. Try carrying a small notebook or an app to jot down feelings as they come up. What triggered them? How did they make you feel? Taking time to reflect on these moments helps you understand yourself better and work through emotions instead of pushing them aside.
Be mindful of comparison. Avoid the trap of measuring yourself against others—it’s your journey, and your progress matters most. (I’m soooo guilty of this one, trust me!)
Schedule self-care. Block out time in your calendar for activities that nourish your mind and body—whether it’s exercise, meditation, a creative hobby, or just being. Prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.
Reclaiming Yourself, One Step at a Time
Prioritizing yourself isn’t about ignoring the people you love—it’s about finally including yourself in the equation. It’s about recognizing that you deserve time, space, and joy just as much as anyone else. And one of the most powerful ways to reclaim your identity? Self-expression.
Whether it’s through personal style, creative outlets, or something as transformative as photography, how you present yourself to the world can be a reflection of who you truly are—not who you were expected to be. That’s why I love what I do. I am working on offering photography sessions that aren’t just about capturing an image; they’re about helping you see yourself in a way that feels real and empowering. They’re about creating a space where you can show up fully as you—no filters, no expectations, just you.
So whether it’s through fashion, journaling, quiet moments of reflection, or stepping in front of the camera, find ways to express who you are becoming. Reclaiming yourself is a journey, and I’d love to be part of it.